It's getting scary how easy the events have become. Drinking for eight hours straight while schmoozing with stranger after stranger after stranger in a town I barely know? No sweat. In fact, I'm getting more and more excited for each event, bursting with energy the second I wake up, not a hangover in sight any more. Monday night's event at Graney's Bar & Grill was a masterpiece.
I was a little confused when we arrived as it seemed to be nothing more than a well-appointed and somewhat smallish one-room sports bar in the suburbs. But, when Nakia, who runs the whole place, informed me that people were quite excited for my appearance and the bar had already received countless calls that very afternoon wondering about my imminent arrival, I knew it would be an interesting night.
The night certainly begun interestingly, and unique to this tour so far, with a game of pub quiz hosted by the inimitable "Baker." Team How to Fail was rolling early and pissing off confused locals, but a basic math gaffe by yours truly cost us the game which we lost by a meager point to Team Pornstache. Nevertheless, we'd made our mark and Graney's drinkers begun approaching our table for books and my autograph.
At one point, we had perhaps our biggest feeding frenzy on the tour so far. A whole booth of people were busy buying a book each, I was signing books for two others, several women tried on various HTF t-shirts, while countless others milled around in curiosity. When, just then, the front door swung open and a self-proclaimed cougar (in a matching pink sweatsuit, natch) burst in, calling out: "Where's Goldfarb?!"
Said cougar then, not only bought a book and a t-shirt, but pulled out some perversity called "Tickle My Pickle"--a "penis-pleasing" manual she'd purchased at a sex toys party the previous evening--and had me sign that for her too, the first non-"How to Fail" book I've autographed on tour so far.
An epic night at an epic bar.
FAIL OF THE DAY:
My assistant was hurtling down the highway toward Albany when out of nowhere some flying creature--a falcon, a hawk, a bald fucking eagle??!?!--flew out of the nearby woods and splatted all over the side of the car. Did she just make an endangered species even more endangered? Hard to say, but it was a harrowing experience for all. Except me, cause my head was down dicking around on my iPhone. I missed the whole thing.
SUCCESS OF THE DAY:
The buffalo chicken garlic bread pizza at Graney's. Holy God. Best bar food we've had on tour so far and I'm not sure anything else has even been close.
DRINK OF THE DAY:
Samual Adam's Winter Lager. I've always liked this seasonal brew, but it was really hitting the spot last night. And since we were pounding pitcher after pitcher, a lotta spots were hit.