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Bar #3 – Kildare’s – Post-Mortem

I've become like one of those obese half-a-ton guys that stays in bed all day doing atypical "bed" stuff for hours--working, eating, shitting themselves--all from a supine position. The bar events are kicking my ass and leaving me hungover and immobile all day.  I type this from my bed office...

They say, in a stat I'm too lazy to confirm at the moment, that 70% of book purchases are by women.  And, oddly enough, so far that is ringing true with HOW TO FAIL.  When I was shopping the book around, countless people told me I had a "dude" book that wouldn't appeal to women at all.  In theory, that sounded like a fair assessment.  HOW TO FAIL is a transgressive book chock full of profanity, drinking, sex, sleaziness, onanism, and the like.  Not exactly a book the fairer sex would seem to enjoy.  Not to mention, the book doesn't have a pink cover.

But none of that has mattered.  My main publisher is a woman and loves the book.  My editor is a woman and likewise.  Ditto my tour manager.  And, at every bar we've been to so far, it's the women that are clamoring for the books.  Coming to the table, flipping through a few pages, laughing their asses off, and immediately plunking down their $15.  All the men are doing is hassling us and hitting on the aforementioned women--all cute--that represent me.  It really is true I guess--men can only think about getting drunk, getting laid, getting wing sauce on their face, and watching men tackle each other while at the bar.  Especially in town like Manayunk where $15 can get you either:


B)  5 vodka tonics

C)  7.5 Miller Lites

D) 42.85 buffalo wings

How can I compete with that?!  Luckily, women aren't as cheap as men--or, are more willing to blow money they don't have--and thus the book continues flying off the table.

Event #4 tonight--Drinker's Tavern in Old City.  See you there.


*My assistant brushing by the table and knocking a beer all over the books and merch.

* (TIE)  The stress of the tour already affecting my publisher so much that she resumed smoking after having just quit the week before the book's release.


*The same assistant getting bumped into by a girl who apologized for her uncontrollable "big ass" which led to convincing said Big Ass into buying a book for both her and that ass!


Victory Wild Devil on tap.  Victory's tasty Hop Devil IPA with brettanomyces added.  Yum!

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