P.J.'s in Cherry Hill, New Jersey is the kind of place where aging dudes come in packs together to eat some wings and watch some football. The kind of dudes that wear sweats to the bar. That keep a Bluetooth in their ear at all times like as if some douchey cyborg. The kind of dudes that exit the bar nodding to the 19-year-old hostesses at the front door, "Evenin' laaadies." Always "laaaaadies." Always with that drawn out aaaaaaa.
P.J.'s is the kind of place where presumably divorced dads bring their 5-year-old kid to the bar to watch football on the screens and watch dad pound a Miller Lite beer tower all day long (see above)*.
This was not exactly my type of crowd. Before the tour started, I intentionally tried to go to smaller cities and towns a bit off the beaten path, thinking these places would have the kind of people so not use to fun and interesting celebrity "appearances" (I should probably scare-quote "celebrity" too), that they would clamor for me and "How to Fail." I've quickly learned that's not the case. Next tour I'll probably stick with the major cities that every other artist sticks with.
Having said that, and though we actually did sell a good amount of books yesterday, Sunday was most important in acting as a much needed rest day to finish week 1 of the 30 Bars in 30 Days tour. Especially since I seem to be developing a wicked case of "barstool ass" from the hours and hours a night, night after night, that I've been barely teetering on a barstool. My cheeks are flattened out and my tail bone is in serious pain. I may soon be the guy at the bar sitting on his own hemorrhoid inner tube.
POWER POLLS (through week one)
1. My assistant locking her keys in the car (with countless books inside) right before an event was about to start.
2. My assistant parking in an illegal spot in Brooklyn and getting a sanitation sticker slapped on her vehicle.
3. My assisant resuming smoking after having quit just a week before the tour kicked off.
4. Me drinking Miller High Life forties so hardcore on Friday night at Drinker's that I was so ridiculously hungover all day I was unable to leave my room to find a sports bar to watch my beloved Syracuse Orange clinch a bowl game for the first time in ages. Shameful.
5. Me acquiring a serious case of barstool ass.
5(tie). Me eating bar food for 6 consecutive dinners even though I promised myself I wouldn't do that.
*I shouldn't be razzing him. Dude bought a book!