The Aaron Goldfarb Blog

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18Nov/100

Bar #9 – Paddy Whacks Pub – Post-Mortem

Upon arrival at Paddy Whacks, a place I thought I had never been to before, I immediately realized that, not only had I been to Paddy Whacks previously, but I'd been 86ed from the joint way back in my salad days.  That immediately foretold a great night I thought and, luckily, there was no picture of me at the front door ("Do Not Let This Jew In") and I was ushered in full red carpet treatment style.

One of the major problems we've been finding in selling books at bars is that many human beings simply don't know how to "use" a book.  They come up to our table, "What's this?"  Flip to a random page, turn the book around, not quite sure what to look at.

Personally, I thought I had created one of the most easily understandable book concepts ever--"The world's first self-hurt guide, the opposite of a self-help guide"--but even that high concept line isn't enough for many of the low-IQ drunks we deal with on a daily basis.  "So...is it a comedy?" some sharp tools ask, as if there would ever been a completely dry and serious book written with chapters such as "How to Masturbate at Work" and "How to Acquire the STD That's Right for You."

So, in a mini-chapter that could have been in my book, but isn't, here's "How to Examine an Unfamiliar Book":

1.  Look at front cover, read words on cover.  If you can't read words on cover, ask a friend or your mother.

2.  Look at back cover, read synopsis.  Ogle author's photo.  Notice glowing blurbs, get intrigued.

3.  Flip to Table of Contents, examine the contents in said table.

4.  Flip to page one and read a little.

5.  Hand over $15 or...leave me the fuck alone and return to the Golden Tee machine.

One final note, the first nine dinners of my tour currently goes:  pizza, hummus platter, nachos, tacos, nachos, wings, wings, pizza, and pizza, not to mention two middle of the night stops at Jersey Turnpike reststop Roy Rogerses.  Ugh.

FAIL OF THE DAY:

My Philly friends eating a New York slice of pizza without the classic fold technique.  Unwieldy!

SUCCESS OF THE DAY:

Conquering a bar I was once 86ed from!

DRINK OF THE NIGHT:

Though the How to Fail Cocktail again made a much needed appearance, I really enjoyed the local Yards Pale Ale which I tippled all evening.

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