The Aaron Goldfarb Blog

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19May/110

How to NOT Feel Like an Idiot While on a Photo Shoot

Be drunk.

Other than that, you're fucked.  You're going to feel like an idiot on a photo shoot.

I now actually admire models.  To completely lack self-consciousness and not feel like a bozo while thousands of pictures are snapped of you?  Remarkable.

I've always hated posed photography.  Not because I think it steals my soul or anything, just because I hate wasting time.  I like to enjoy the actual moment I'm in, not pause in the proceedings to capture a phony moment.

My first career photo shoot was to get author pics for HOW TO FAIL.  My publisher is lazy and incompetent so I was, of course, tasked with doing the job myself.  So, after careful deliberation, I hired my sister for free.  She's not a professional photographer but she's pretty good and has a decent camera.  I figured if we took a few hundred photos, the odds were in my favor that one would be "professional" enough.

It took about a thousand attempts to get a usable one.

Man, you should see the blooper reel.  I hope you never do.  I hope my sister destroyed it.  She could certainly use the outtakes against me.

Posing for pictures is humiliating.  Especially in front of your sister.  Especially stone cold sober.

Even then, we still had to turn the one usable photograph black & white to almost make me look normal.

That's why, when the Daily Brink wanted to photograph me, I quickly suggested doing it at the bar.  My beloved Amity Hall to be specific.

I would have to be drunk to drop the self-consciousness.  Check that, I would have to be buzzed.

You don't want to be too drunk.  There's a fine line between:

A.  being loose

and

B.  smiling goofy with your eyes glazed over.

[Pictured above with Lagunitas Hop Stoopid--an outstanding value IPA]

Even still, even with a cozy "set" and well-placed lighting and pricey camera equipment and a true professional (the great Matthew Murphy) doing all the work, it still felt...peculiar.

Why is he making me pose like Eminem?  Why am I sitting on the floor of a bar?  Is it really natural to have my arm bending that way?  Is he shooting from a high enough angle to hide my double-chin?  Should I be smiling or trying to look serious?  Should I be showing my teeth or no?  Hey, no full body shots!

When it comes down to it, truly the only way to not feel like an idiot while on a photo shoot is to not worry how the pictures come out.  To tell yourself you're not going to spend a whole day looking at them going, "Man, I'm ugly."  Well, at least there's no double chin.  That's something.

 

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