Any biography of me currently lists me as having written one to perhaps three things. Of course, that's hardly the truth. The other day I was thinking about how much stuff one has to actually write before they can produce work good enough that the world actually wants it. So, I decided to make a real bibliography and list every major thing I have ever written, the vast majority of which, you will see, have never seen the light of day.
Fort's Brain  -- (feature film screenplay) terrible college script.
Gatsby Returns  -- (feature film screenplay) slightly less terrible college script.
The Good Life  -- (feature film screenplay) co-written with Tim Calpin, named after a Weezer song. An American Pie rip-off written in 30 days. Landed us a manager (sort of) and then was optioned by an independent film producer who never paid us because he got divorced and his wife took him for a bath.
Cracker  -- (feature film screenplay) co-written with Tim Calpin. A comedic safecracking movie.
Dandy  -- (feature film screenplay) co-written with Tim Calpin. Dark comedy, won a Slamdance screenwriting award though I can't find any proof of that online.
How to Fail  -- (feature film screenplay) Based on a great idea I turned into a terrible screenplay. For the moment...
Without Men  -- (feature film screenplay) Dark comedy that posited a world in which all the men had died in wars and women were the only thing left.
Heroes & Villains  -- (novel) Action drama about a police strike in New York.
Heroes & Villains  -- (feature film screenplay) Written after I couldn't quite finish the novel and decided the concept might work better as a movie. It didn't.
A Better You!!!  -- (feature film screenplay) Comedy optioned several different times by several different people. Made me some money but was never produced. I still think it's a pretty viable property.
Jesse's Toy Box  -- (half-hour TV series) First four episodes and show bible written about a sex toys shop in bible belt Florida. Received a lot of interest and then Seth Rogen fucked up my shit. If I have a single "labor of love," it might be this. My favorite thing I've ever written and I still hope to make it one day.
Trophy Husbands -- (feature film screenplay) Optioned for a minimal amount by a man I'm pretty sure was a con artist. He now uses a different name online.
Proud Papa  -- (feature film screenplay) Comedy about the world's greatest (accidental) sperm donor.
Lied Life  -- (feature film screenplay) I can't even really remember what this was about, but I recall it was inspired by Michael Clayton and was probably pretty crappy.
Everybody's Famous  - (feature film screenplay) Dark comedy satire about a dystopian world where everyone is...famous.
Par for the Course  -- (half-hour TV series) Pilot episode and bible about life on a low-level pro golf tour.
Homeschool U  -- (feature film screenplay) Dark comedy about the most home-schooled children of all time.
[redacted]  -- (feature film screenplay) Comedy screenplay based on an idea by Craig T. Wood.
The Honey Trap  -- (stageplay) I don't even like attending plays, but I still tried to write one. Received decent attention and a reading was nearly put together. I can't recall why it fell apart.
How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide  -- (novel) FINALLY, the first major project of mine an Average Joe could actually consume!
The Cheat Sheet  -- (short story collection)
Drunk Drinking  -- (essay collection) Self-published.
[redacted]  -- (feature film screenplay) Co-written with Jake Hart. High-concept action movie. Currently making the rounds in Hollywood.
[redacted] [2013-2014] -- (novels) Three upcoming novels, manuscripts mostly finished.
Three Rings  -- (one-hour TV series) Co-created with a Brooklyn producer.
17 feature film screenplays
4 television series created
0 produced (as of right now)
7 books written
3 published (as of right now)
So there you have it. Wow, I can't even believe I've written so much stuff--that you can't ever read or see. Maybe 10% of work I've created has been released to the masses. That's kind of depressing.
I'd love my fellow writers out there to do likewise. Give it a try, and pass this along.